Tag Archives: Taiwanese girls

台湾女孩的腿太他妈的性感: Taiwanese university bans daisy dukes

7 Apr

Daisy dukes. Booty shorts. “热裤” (literally hot pants). Call ‘em what you will, but the administration of one Taiwanese university just can’t handle the island’s most notorious national treasure any longer and is cutting off cut-offs.

That’s right. Wen Zao College in Kaohsiung has decided to tap into it’s Puritan roots by banning short-shorts, flip-flops, and tank tops on campus.

All I can say is, it’s about time.

I mean, granted these students are all adults. But who are we to assume they are mentally capable of dressing themselves?

Young Taiwanese chicks in short-shorts are a hazard.

Personally, I count myself lucky to have not been involved in more scooter accidents occurring as a result of these hedonist vixens distracting me while driving.

These young sirens have a history of drawing many a lonely soul to this desolate pirate island. Hypnotized, many fail to ever leave.

And I am sure this is exactly what was going on at Wen Zao– just a whole bunch of hot young college chicks tramping all around campus flaunting their good genes right in the admin’s face.

Clearly, it was distracting and needed to be stopped.

Now we need to take this movement further! No more high heels, no more fishnet and lace! No more nightmarkets! No more chicks sitting on the back of scooters! No more pop stars or TV shows! No more billboard ads for DVD porn shops! No more sidewalks or 7-11s or teenagers!

Fight on, brave sirs, fight on.

 

Lost in Translation: Taiwan Picture Poses

28 Sep

 

 

Pretty girl, but someone ought to clue her in that foreigners have a different conceptualization of the split fingers in front of the mouth. I don’t think this was what she was going for.

But this is a seriously common pose over here. Taiwanese love 自拍 (zipai) self-photos more than just about anyone. I’m surprised they didn’t throw a national parade when Sony (or whoever) came out with that camera with a screen on front.

For the uninitiated, Wretch.cc paved the way here (long before Facebook) with endless 1,000-pic 自拍 albums– all the same shot, just different finger poses, different eye contacts, different hair colors, different low-cut tops, but always the exact same angle in the exact same room.

Not that I’ve ever perv’d ‘em out or anything…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Page 1 News in Taiwan: Naked Lesbian Wedding Pictures

31 May

I grab a seat on the couch near the door of my school yesterday, and across from me, a headline catches my eye.

We’ve got a little bookshelf right as you walk in with a few dated parental magazines and the daily newspaper. They’re there for parents who come in and may have to kill a few minutes waiting to chat with our “Principal Mommy” (院长妈咪). The paper is almost always Apple Daily, one of the island’s traditionally sensational media brands.

Today, right across the top of Page One is some flashy photo of a half-nude girl in a loving embrace. The headline was something along the lines of: “Lesbian Couple Takes Naked Wedding Photos.”

Stop the press!

Same-sex marriage is not yet legal in Taiwan, but it doesn't stop couples from formalizing the event with parties and wedding photos.

It’s this type of story that pleasantly reminds me of the progress being made here in Asia. The fact that this is Page One news here is telling (granted you had to jump to an inner section for the full story). Taiwan’s free press, with such a tiny island population, generates half its news from viral videos and Facebook feeds. By doing so, it does a decent job of reflecting trends with a very young, fresh feel.

That this paper is sitting on the shelf where my 6-year-old students walk in is perhaps a little troubling. But it’s also a reminder of the type of post-traditional society Taiwan has become. Most cultural traditions are stronger here than across the strait, yet the Taiwanese have done a stand-up job of modernizing belief systems.

Thanks to not living under Mao in the ’60s-’70s, the island still has deeply rooted religious traditions with a much more liberal society to boot. So while I sit here listening to the drum-banging squeal of another motorcade announcing the arrival of the dragon, I can’t help feeling that much happier to be back.

Taiwanese go crazy for Korea! Super Junior的追星族超夸张!

24 May

Taiwanese fans cheer on South Korea's Super Junior in Taipei last Saturday.

I somehow inadvertently stumbled upon South Korea’s Super Junior fan meet-and-greet near Taipei 101 this weekend (no, seriously). Teeny-boppers and inappropriately old Taiwanese had flooded the plaza, spilling over the railings and stacking up the stairwells.

Here the guys show off their more masculine haircuts (seriously).

Fans crowded on balconies and along stairwells to catch a glimpse of Super Junior M.

And here’s what I learned:You can’t close the door on the boy band phenomenon quite yet.

Asians are still going buck wil’ over South Korea’s mega groups, and the results are telling.

N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, and 98 Degrees had it wrong. It’s not that their “band” wasn’t boyish– it just wasn’t boyish enough! Nor girlish enough! If Super Junior is any example, a good boy band needs double-digit membership and a warm bath of estrogen.

All the same ingredients are there: minimal musical talent, solid choreography, a quirky “style” for each social sub-group, and one uber-star whose career might actually have legs.

And speaking of legs… don’t sleep on Girls Generation and Wonder Girls!

These groups– and their sub-groups (like Super Junior M and Super Junior Happy)– are dominating entertainment over here right now. Justin Beiber just came through Taipei. He didn’t generate near the metrosexual mayhem.

It’s all South Korea, all the time. On TV, on radio, on the billboards. Nobody, nobody but them it seems.

P.S. If you don’t know how to do the Bo Peep, well, you’re like an NBA player who can’t Dougie. So get on it.  @肉丝丝

Trip Review: Green Island (绿岛)

17 May

Regrettably, I realized after a few days passed that the window for blogging about my Sun Moon Lake adventure last month had closed. While I don’t consider myself a travel expert, I do believe I represent more the avid explorer than the guidebook gaper. So, I am going to double-down on my effort to cover my Taipei escapes– and with that, on to Green Island.

When I was a child, I read books about magical jungle islands in the middle of the ocean. Never could I have guessed how much a part of my life those islands would become.

Once home to political prisoners during the White Terror years of martial law, Green Island is now a scuba diver’s paradise. Less than an hour ferry ride from Fugang, outside Taitung, the island is easily accessible for a quick weekend getaway.

My friend and I left Friday night on an overnight sleeper train from Taipei Main Station. I figured it would be a great way to catch some zzz’s before a big day of diving, but for some reason the trains here never dim the lights, and I had a helluva time dozing off. Regardless, we arrived at the crack of dawn, with just enough time to catch some of the east coast’s wicked scenery entering Taitung.

Chinese/Taiwanese can drop a temple just about anywhere, including this duck-your-head mini-cave. Churches eat your heart out.

The taxi cab driver didn’t use a meter, which usually irks me, but my Taiwanese buddy didn’t seem to mind. He got us to the ferry port in plenty of time for the 7:30am boat. And just like that, bam, we were on Green Island.

My friend, Andy, had been diving on the island nearly two dozen times. So, granted, he’s an old hand at this. He dialed up the dive shop he preferred (goes by the catchy name of “Green Island Scuba Diving” 绿岛潜水), and the guys met us at the dock to fetch our bags. They took the bags, we took the scooters– right at the docks, super convenient.

Scooters in Taiwan; what can't they do? Seriously. What would Taiwan's GDP be right now if it wasn't for these beasts of burden?

We could have antied up and done that first dive right away, but we were a bit spent. So, we decided to check in and log a few hours of much-needed shut-eye. The dive shop has a few rooms, but they were full. I almost ended up sleeping in the same room as two of the local dive masters, which, upon retrospect, would have left me stinking like betel nut for a few weeks. Luckily, they just decided to move us a short walk down the street to another guest house with a great room and a negotiated cheap price (thanks to Andy– a theme you’ll see helped a lot on this trip.)

Mystery: Not sure why Pat here was so interested in keeping the sun off every part of its body except the legs...

So, yeah, sparing all the boring details, we were all set. Andy hooked everything up, pretty much. As a dive master himself, and as an old customer, we got hooked up with discounted rates on our tanks, our scooter, our room, you name it.

We ended up doing four phenomenal dives over the next two days. They were all very easy shallow dives with gorgeous soft and hard coral formations and incredible visibility. The only hard part was that my buddy Andy has a slipped disc in his back, so I offered to help him lug his gear to and from shore. Considering all the guy had done for me, it was the least I could do. We got plenty of laughs as he would comment to other tourists (mostly young ladies snorkeling) that they should hire me for the day.

Other than that, there isn’t a whole lot to do on the island. It’s got a strip. A couple of big outdoor BBQ spots. That’s about it. Although, I must say I was pleasantly surprised by how many young women were out and about.

It's a dog's head with floppy ears and a woman lying down. Do you see it? It took me a while, but I got it. Old Chinese and Taiwanese would have crushed Magic Eye.

It’s definitely essential to rent a scooter and cruise around the island. There are some cool spots to stop off and take pictures. Off the southern shore, directly above the seasonal breeding grounds for hammerheads, is a hotspring that people rave about, but I wasn’t sold.

Other than that, and I don’t want to get all historical, but visiting the former prisons (and then driving by the new one) is a worthwhile mission. There is something strangely fascinating about prisons. From the very first time I drove by one, to the first time I visited one (Alcatraz Island), they have captured my imagination. Maybe my dad liked Clint Eastwood too much, and “Escape from Alcatraz” somehow burned itself into my psyche as a kid. But to this day, I have been to an odd amount of prisons… Robben Island, Tuol Sleng (S-21), Hanoi Hilton, etc.

The Human Right's Museum had a bizarre, anatomically correct bathroom exhibit. I couldn't help but think it was nicer than about 90% of all modern bathrooms in China.

Let’s end this drab dribble with a little lay-up. Some quick observations and pointers for Green Island:

1. Learn how to scuba dive. If you don’t know how, take the course on the island. It’s so cheap in Taiwan and this part of the world that you just can’t miss out!

2. Rumor has it Green Island is home to the largest living single piece of coral on Earth. I saw it. I believe it.

3. The Dabaisha dive is amazing. It’s this shallow water tunnel/cave complex. It reminded me off “Innerspace,” the classic substitute-teacher-film from my high school years where Dennis Quaid gets shrunk down and injected into Martin Short. Don’t want to spoil the plot and all, but surrounded by this bright pink and orange coral, wedging my way through an underwater labyrinth, I felt like I was exploring brain synapses.

4. Keep your scooter seat open. It’s hot. You’ll figure it out.

Danny Lee is the man. And, yes, Lebron James is a huge prick. That's why I wear it.

5. Go talk to Danny Lee at his spot “Orange House” on the strip. He’s a super friendly old geezer, who doesn’t look a day over 50. He also speaks English and Japanese, as does his wife, which is impressive. He’ll tell you he’s been diving for 4o years, and I believe it. The food at his spot is good, and he has rooms available too. We didn’t stay there, but he was super hospitable and I would if I went back. Also, he is a master of what I like to call “speaking like a Chinese.” It’s something to do with mastering chin up and chin down movements as well as the pace and delivery of your tones. Some people are so good at this, just so amazingly engrossing and captivating, that you could listen to them tell you about washing the dishes and you’d be on edge.

Alright, let’s leave it at five. Please e-mail me if you have any questions or want to know more about how to get there and what to do. Keep on truckin’.

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