Tag Archives: culture bullshit

台湾女孩的腿太他妈的性感: Taiwanese university bans daisy dukes

7 Apr

Daisy dukes. Booty shorts. “热裤” (literally hot pants). Call ‘em what you will, but the administration of one Taiwanese university just can’t handle the island’s most notorious national treasure any longer and is cutting off cut-offs.

That’s right. Wen Zao College in Kaohsiung has decided to tap into it’s Puritan roots by banning short-shorts, flip-flops, and tank tops on campus.

All I can say is, it’s about time.

I mean, granted these students are all adults. But who are we to assume they are mentally capable of dressing themselves?

Young Taiwanese chicks in short-shorts are a hazard.

Personally, I count myself lucky to have not been involved in more scooter accidents occurring as a result of these hedonist vixens distracting me while driving.

These young sirens have a history of drawing many a lonely soul to this desolate pirate island. Hypnotized, many fail to ever leave.

And I am sure this is exactly what was going on at Wen Zao– just a whole bunch of hot young college chicks tramping all around campus flaunting their good genes right in the admin’s face.

Clearly, it was distracting and needed to be stopped.

Now we need to take this movement further! No more high heels, no more fishnet and lace! No more nightmarkets! No more chicks sitting on the back of scooters! No more pop stars or TV shows! No more billboard ads for DVD porn shops! No more sidewalks or 7-11s or teenagers!

Fight on, brave sirs, fight on.

 

Breastfeeding Rebels at China’s ‘Two Meetings’

8 Mar

I was happy to see this "Expert's Agreement" on the baby formula at my friend's house. As new parents, they decided it was best his wife breastfeed and use formula only when necessary.

While China’s political intelligentsia wraps up its “annual meeting of the rubber-stamp legislature,” as FT calls it, I was happy to catch Danwei’s post “Breast feeding rebels in China.”

Thankfully, finally, this major parenting issue has actually worked its way onto the political agenda:

On December 4 2011, a new regulation was put forth by the Ministry of Health for public review. The regulation would prohibit formula companies from marketing in hospitals to parents of children less than six months of age. This regulation is one of the draft laws that could be approved during the current “Two Meetings” of China’s National People’s Congress. But whether the bill passes or not, enforcement, especially in smaller cities and rural areas, will be difficult to track.

China is wacky when it comes to baby formula. The 2008 Sanlu Tainted Milk Powder Scandal scaled to hysterical proportion specifically because advertising by foreign and domestic baby formula manufacturers had so successfully brainwashed Chinese into believing milk powder was the only possible way to healthily raise an infant. Without it, what were mothers to do?

This is yet another of those mysterious culture riddles I have failed to solve. After six years, I’ve never really heard the rationale laid out to me in any sort of eureka moment, like, oh, “I get it now.”

Protocol for mothers post-giving birth vary from the extreme to the more modern. On one end, I have heard of mothers immediately giving up their child to the grandmother, and then basically going into seclusion for up to three months. Literally, the mother is supposed to lock herself in, not have any contact with the outside world, and just drink water and eat rice porridge for three months. Reasons? To rest, “get healthy,” and regain her pre-pregnancy body size.

For those who might also consider this practice a bit perplexing, I put it to you that this is not the least of the odd, institutionalized behaviors surrounding childbirth:

Chinese women are more likely to have caesarean births than any other nationality in the world (46% of births are c-section; Vietnam is second with 35%). Doctors and hospitals can make more money performing c-sections and they are much more predictable than natural births. Commonly, women undergo surgery, use the c-section as an excuse to not breastfeed and then hand the baby over to grandparents so they can continue living their lives.

But for many women, choosing breast milk over formula is a choice that influences every aspect of parenting.

Well, hopefully this is all about to change. As the lede reads:

A peaceful parental counter-movement is growing that is beginning to question the popular reliance in China on medically assisted births and infant formula, as well as the Tiger Mom ethos that puts children through the educational grinder.

Check out the Danwei article, it’s a good read.

Best Blog Post of 2011

15 Nov

Bills. I still get them, but they're much more reasonable in Taiwan. For all utilities, including my cell phone, I pay about $55/month.

If you read only one article this year, it needs to be Matt Taibbi’s “How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the OWS Protests.”

Thousands of miles removed from the US and all its bullshit, I have had little interest in reading about the “Occupy Wall Street” movement. It’s not that I bought the “dirty, jobless hippies” line that interested parties eagerly attempt to apply to any protest of any sort.

It’s just that I didn’t care.

I’ve escaped the US, in part because I am strongly opposed to the direction of the country. My resentment starts at the (non-representative) government level, but, unfortunately, it casts its cloud as far as the average citizen.

I’m generally disgusted by the decisions and rationale of most Americans.

As I read Taibbi’s post, it all started to make sense…

We’re all born wanting the freedom to imagine a better and more beautiful future. But modern America has become a place so drearily confining and predictable that it chokes the life out of that built-in desire. Everything from our pop culture to our economy to our politics feels oppressive and unresponsive. We see 10 million commercials a day, and every day is the same life-killing chase for money, money and more money; the only thing that changes from minute to minute is that every tick of the clock brings with it another space-age vendor dreaming up some new way to try to sell you something or reach into your pocket. The relentless sameness of the two-party political system is beginning to feel like a Jacob’s Ladder nightmare with no end; we’re entering another turn on the four-year merry-go-round, and the thought of having to try to get excited about yet another minor quadrennial shift in the direction of one or the other pole of alienating corporate full-of-shitness is enough to make anyone want to smash his own hand flat with a hammer.

If you think of it this way, Occupy Wall Street takes on another meaning. There’s no better symbol of the gloom and psychological repression of modern America than the banking system, a huge heartless machine that attaches itself to you at an early age, and from which there is no escape. You fail to receive a few past-due notices about a $19 payment you missed on that TV you bought at Circuit City, and next thing you know a collector has filed a judgment against you for $3,000 in fees and interest. Or maybe you wake up one morning and your car is gone, legally repossessed by Vulture Inc., the debt-buying firm that bought your loan on the Internet from Chase for two cents on the dollar. This is why people hate Wall Street. They hate it because the banks have made life for ordinary people a vicious tightrope act; you slip anywhere along the way, it’s 10,000 feet down into a vat of razor blades that you can never climb out of.

That, to me, is what Occupy Wall Street is addressing. People don’t know exactly what they want, but as one friend of mine put it, they know one thing: FUCK THIS SHIT! We want something different: a different life, with different values, or at least a chance at different values.

Read it.

The banking system puts you in the corner early in life and never lets you out. It’s got you right where it wants you.

Which reminded me of something I wanted to post about under the “Pros of Taiwan”– no late fees.

No. Late. Fees.

I miss the deadline to pay for my cell phone, or my electric, or my rent? No fee.

The only inconvenience is that I can no longer pay at a 7-11 or any other convenient store. I have to hit the actual Taiwan Power Bureau, which I have done probably a dozen times. And even then, it’s walk in, walk out. No hassle.

I remember one time while in college back home, my banking account dipped below $250. It was something unimaginably marginal, like $249.47. Unbeknownst to me, I started getting hit with daily “insufficient funds” charges of $30, until the end of the month, when I received a bill stating I actually owed the bank $350. Amazingly, the entire time, my joint savings account was still flush with cash. But if it wasn’t for the fact that I personally knew the president of one of the bank branches, I would have been shit out of luck.

So, yeah. I might not know what I would build in place of the modern banking system. But I know enough that I am sick and tired of being bullied and treated like shit, all to add a few zeroes to some corporate asshole’s quarterly bonus.

I’m sick and tired of just the whole fucking culture of things.

OWS, here’s hoping you cats make some progress. And maybe, I’ll actually have an interest in returning to my motherland one of these years.

Are bananas bad for you?

14 Oct

Something else I’ve learned this week: Bananas are bad for you, according to Chinese medicine.

Allegedly, if you catch a cold, you should not eat “cold fruits.” Ok, sounds logical, but what exactly is a cold fruit?

Now, I would have never found this out if some of my students didn’t show up to class with specific  instructions from their parents not to eat any watermelon, melon, or bananas during lunch. (Mind you, I also get notes from parents asking for their child not to read books because it will bad for their eyes– so, pinch of salt here.)

This cold fruit thing is sort of intriguing, really. I mean, I always considered bananas something you should eat when you are sick. This coulda sworn this wacky new thing called Science told me that. Rich in potassium; if you need the energy, what better than a banana?

But, alas, on this side of the globe, I am mistaken.

Anyways, when I tried to flesh out a list of what constitutes a “cold” vs. a “warm” fruit, I was left baffled. Everyone seemed to have different interpretations. I mean, I can follow that watermelon might be considered cold– you know, sort of water-based. But an apple? No, that’s approved “warm.” But, then again, it depends on who you ask.

I googled it. Didn’t come up with much. So, fill me in if you know the answer to this riddle!

 

 

“We Chinese are much more conservative”

18 Sep

You hear it all the time:

“Chinese are very conservative.”

“Communist China is a very conservative country.”

“Chinese women are very shy and (of course) conservative.”

It’s not that this is entirely untrue. It’s just that it’s nowhere near entirely true, either.

The insidious little part of this ploy that irks me so is how fond the Chinese are of sanctimonious little chirps, like, “Oh, well, we Chinese would never do something like that. You foreigners are much more indecent. We Chinese have much higher moral standards.” And blah, blah, blah.

Now, I’m not trying to say that China is the next Ibiza, but someone needs to toss a few coins on the other side of the scale here.

Case in point: “Beauty Class.” This new make-over TV show is blowing up on the net over here thanks to a recent Weibo video post.

The premise reads:

Sweet, charming, and lovely, Beauty Class will allow you to reinvent yourself, from an ugly duckling to the white swan. Afraid to wear low-cut tops? Afraid to wear miniskirts? No problem, let us teach you how to change into an S-figure, to cultivate you into a charming collection, transform you into an perfect woman. This is not a legend, all of the magic is at @乐视网魅力研习社http://t.cn/a36Rmb http://t.cn/a3ExkL

And even that, though a little sexist for some, might seem innocuous to most. Alas, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to not check out the video…

(Click here to read some translated reactions from Chinese netizens.)

China is kind of like that girl you knew in high school who had the crazy, strict, Christian parents and then goes off to college, and, well…

Thank you, Chairman Mao.

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