Okay, this is how you get people’s attention! Highly disturbing news. Even more disturbingly weird video on Apple Daily。。。
Shorter .5-.7cm? That baby on the right won't be smiling for long.
Apparently, the toxic plasticizer that Taiwanese companies have been illegally using in drinks is now causing a long list of troubling side-effects in children. Chief among concerns, shorter penises. Ah, wait, what? What! Shorter penises!
Just days after chirping Apple Daily for front page debauchery, Friday’s edition had a cartoon drawing of two young kids dressed up as knights. One kid had a big long shiny sword, and the other, well, a little Bilbo Baggins dagger.
The daily print edition was sitting right there as I walked in to work again. This time, the headline ran something like: “台人小鸡鸡短一截?” That translates literally as “Tai people little chicken chicken short one section?” There was some extra line on there about comparing it to the average foreign birth, where I sensed a little between the line innuendo.
This is a real photo with caption off Apple Daily. Wait, what?
Anyway, watch the video on Apple Daily. It’s the Twilight Zone for news– mind-blowingly bizarre, with computer generated reenactments, a slew of penis size metaphors, and a doctor, I’m pretty sure, doing something inappropriate to a baby. I’m not sure really how to react to the whole thing.
Plenty of good reasons to miss your stop here.
Now this is what I am talking about when I say marketing. Porter International pasting purple purses inspired by black eyes on beautiful girls? Fail. Reebok promoting panties in public? As Charlie Sheen would say, “Oh, I don’t know, winning!”
I was standing waiting for my noodles in my local lunch spot when I noticed the news running this story. All I could really understand (drives me nuts how fast Chinese newscasters speak) was something about panties, the MRT, and… well, that was basically all I needed to know.
Turns out Reebok realized that the best way to sell shoes and athletic apparel is obviously to pay young college girls to walk around town and ride the subway in their panties. And yes, to my American friends, they are rather large panties. But panties nonetheless.
My girlfriend helped me translate the news report (see below). Basically, Reebok’s marketing group said they think the No Pants Day celebrated by random groups around the world, including most notably in New York City, represents a coveted confidence about one’s body. The humor here being that roughly zero of these girls have ever worked out. Taiwanese women were just lucky enough to hit the jackpot in the genes-for-nice-legs sweepstakes. Most probably don’t know how to swim. And I am sure the lion’s share of them would never play sports for fear of having their pasty whiteness ruined by nature’s rays.
But Reebok is just too busy winning.