Roll, Roll, Run

Some lantern displays were cool, others looked like a neighbor's bad Christmas lights.

Unless you like standing in endless lines and herding like cattle, you might want to stay away from the national lantern festival in Changhua (彰化, I say it “Zhanghua”).

Honestly, this festival is a logistical nightmare. The festival itself is held around the island in a new location every year. I remembered going to the one at CKS Memorial Hall in Taipei about 5 years ago, so I thought I would check this one out.

Bad decision.

My friend and I took an early afternoon train up, partly because every other time slot was booked up and also because we figured it would still give us 4-5 hours to walk around. I mean, how long do you really need to look at lanterns? There was also a Disney performance that my friend was really into, so, yeah, that, too, I suppose.

Problems started as soon as we got there. The line for the free shuttle from Zhanghua to Lugang (鹿港), the little farmer’s village where it is being held, was outrageously long. We arrived at 5 and had a return train around 9:45. We were informed the line would be at least two hours for the free shuttle.

The line went from well behind me in this photo, right to the trees against the railroad and then all the way down to that yellow building.

So we took a cab, which surprisingly wasn’t that expensive, 400nt/taxi. The cab was easy to find, as they were all qeueing outside on the opposite side of the train station.

We walked around for a bit, making our way to the stadium, where the main performances were. Rather, I should say, we jumped into the human stream moving towards the stadium. There wasn’t even time to stop to take photos without getting trampled by the masses. Madness.

The stadium only had bleachers on one side, so no on e could see the stage. No big screen, nothing. Next thing you know, I see a bunch of people just ignoring all signs and climbing on top of lantern display platforms. Naturally, I expected the police to be all over it. But after a few minutes, they still hadn’t arrived, and I realized they were probably just as jammed up in the human traffic as anyone else. So, I climbed aboard.

I kept near the back of the platform, with a clear jumping exit strategy in mind. This just screamed “Youtube video of Fatal Stage Collapse in Taiwan.” No way I was going down like that.

We saw some goofy European strings quartet try to act cool for a while, then they lit up the rotating dragon in the middle for about 5 minutes. As soon as that ended, there was about a 20-minute delay until Disney was to take the stage, and exits turned into absolute human gridlock. 

We made the decision that if we wanted any chance to get back to Zhanghua in time for our train we needed to leave now. Luckily, from the platform, we could crawl back through the displays and avoid the exit traps.

We started walking to the North exit, where we were told that there was no designated taxi pick-up spot in Lugang. The shuttle line was already an hour or two long, so we took to wandering aimlessly in this bumfuck village looking for a big road or anywhere a taxi might be.

Obviously, no luck. We walk back to the shuttle line, now almost certain to miss our bus. The line has quintupled. It’s a five hour wait now. We’ve been at this damn festival, looking at lit up colored paper lamps, for two hours. Not a fair trade-off.

No way we’re waiting. It’s just madness. We decide to risk it, and if all else fails try to find some crappy hotel in town to crash at for the night. We’ve missed our train. The endless nightmare scenario is starting to really sink its teeth into our rear end’s. We’re depressed. We’re cranky. We’re like everyone else there.

Somehow, amazingly, I catch a glimpse of some cabbie with his “空车” open light on, and I bum rush it. This young guy comes up screaming behind me. Turns out, he had already called it or found it, but since there were some extra seats, he offered for us to hop in with his girlfriend, and this other woman and her son he was helping out. Nice kid.

Taxi cab driver was bitching his ass off. Talking about how Lugang has no taxis. No buses. Talking about how all the roads are closed. The roads are too small to avoid all the traffic. It’s total chaos in Lugang!

We get back to the station and have to take a local train to Chiayi, a taxi to Xinying, and then a bus to Tainan. It sounds easy. It wasn’t. Luckily, that kid and his girlfriend were also headed back to Tainan, and we just followed his plan. It was pricey, and it took forever. It was freezing.

All told, I ended up getting home around 3am Sunday morning.

Awesome lantern festival. Two hours of lanterns. Ten hours of trying to get to and fro.

Tags: Bad Ideas, Bad Planning, Changhua Lantern Festival, Crowds in Taiwan, Herding Like Cattle, Lantern Festivals, Not Fun, Overpopulation, Poor Logistics, Population Density in Taiwan, Taiwan Lantern Festival, Taiwan National Lantern Festival, Trips from Hell